She’s getting married soon and is battling with the idea of inviting her mother or not. Their relationship hasn’t been the best. But as the only daughter, she knows they share a different bond.
So what does she do?!
Hi Bert Show,
I have a dilemma, and I need your help. I am really looking for some unbiased advice on how to handle this very delicate situation. I recently got engaged, and while this is one of the best times in my life, I have also dreaded it for a very long time. I am a child of a divorce and just a nasty, messy marriage. It now seems that I am the only one who has any leftover side effects from my parents’ marriage, as I always have to pick and choose who to spend my time with or who to invite. I have hurt a lot of feelings within the last few years because as an adult, I chose to spend my Thanksgiving or any other significant holiday with the other parent.
Now, I only feel like it is fair to offer some history as to why I made the decision I did for my wedding. My siblings and I have all struggled with our relationship with our Mom. She has always put herself before us and made a lot of decisions that not only affected her negatively, but us as well. I feel like since her divorce with my Father, my siblings and I have just been picking up after her. So, not to stay she “F”ed up my childhood, but she most definitely did.
On the other hand, I am her only daughter and we do have a bond different from my older brothers. She has always been able to take a little bit more advantage of me because of it. So, the day has come where I am going to tell her that she is not invited to my wedding, and instead, my Father and Stepmother will be attending. I have already seen a glimpse of what is to come in the next few months, as my brother also did not invite her to his wedding. She showed up at his house and would scream at him from outside. She would threaten awful things, and it was to the point where they hired security at their own wedding and had the security team keep a picture of her. So, Bert Show, how should I go about this? Should I even tell her about my wedding? Can I lie and say we eloped, but secretly have a wedding with all our family and friends? Or is there a compromise here? Can I do something that can satisfy her needs?
Thank you, and I hope to hear back from you.