You’ve watched your spouse closely, and you see the way they interact with the same gender. You suspect that they are bisexual, so you two have a conversation.
Your spouse expresses their interest in exploring an experience with the same gender. What do you do now?
Our listener is going through this with his wife and is seeking advice.
Here’s what he wrote us:
I have a real question as to how to handle my wife’s sexuality. Background, we have been married for 4 years, but together for 8. We have a wonderful kid and are very close and have a strong marriage.
For a long time, I suspected that my wife was bi-sexual. It was the little things, the comments about beautiful women that were more than just “she looks nice” jokes about being with a girl, and a few “piano playing” dreams she shared with me, and how she seems so flirty when around gay girls.
It never bothered me that she might be bi, but due to both of our weird religious upbringing, I always found it hard to ask her outright if she was bi. Until…
Recently, we have become much more comfortable talking about it. (Thank you counseling). We finally got past innuendo and thanks to tic toc she has become more open to discuss her feelings. She went from admitting that she was bi curious to admitting that she was really curious (if that makes sense) The other day she said she wished she had experienced that “piano playing,” in the past but feels like she missed the opportunity. (Being married to a man and all.) I could hear the frustration in her voice.
This is where I need help. I haven’t encouraged her one way or another, other than making her feel safe to talk. I did tell her I had picked up on this a long time ago, which I think surprised her. I feel really bad that she feels she is missing experiencing something that she is naturally drawn to. I don’t want her to feel like she won’t ever have a chance at “piano playing” with a woman, because she is married to me.
The next time this comes up, I am seriously considering letting her know it’s okay if she seeks out a same sex experience. I really feel 100 percent okay with it, (and no I don’t want nor expect a threesome) I genuinely love her and hate seeing her struggle with this itch that she has never scratched. Our “piano playing” life is good, but I can tell she really has another need/desire as well.
I would love advice from the Bert show fam on how to handle this. Has anyone been married to a bi person who has never scratched that itch? And how did you handle it? Is it a good idea to give her the green light to seek some experience out?
I really trust that she wouldn’t leave our relationship. And this is a real part of her, and I would hate to see her unfulfilled. Please help!
-Concerned husband!