She found her boyfriend’s Christmas list with people he plans on buying gifts for this year. On that list is his ex-wife! According to his list, he plans on spending a lot of money on her.
She has a MAJOR problem with this but is she overreacting. Is it okay to buy gifts for your ex?
THE UPDATE
She confronted her boyfriend, and their conversation did not go well. Now she’s questioning the future of their relationship.
Okay, I listen to you guys give advice and opinions to so many of your listeners. I’d like the same done for me. I need your thoughts on a situation and advice on how to handle it.
First of all, I need to know if this situation is as inappropriate and wrong as I think it is. My boyfriend, Matt, and I have been dating for about 6 months. So, obviously, this is our first holiday season together. So far, it’s been great. I’ve been really excited to celebrate Christmas with him since this is the first serious relationship that I’ve had over the holiday season. This is not, however, his first serious relationship this time of year. He was married for 6 years before me. They’ve been divorced for 2 years now. Before they were married, they had been together for 3 years. So, he and his ex had been together, in total, for 9 years. That’s 9 Christmases that they have spent together. I try not to think about that since I have a tendency to compare myself to others, and I get a bit jealous when I think about their past together.
So, I was at his apartment the other day and he wasn’t home yet. I was on the phone and needed something to write on. I found a pad of paper on the counter. As I was flipping the pages to find a blank page, I came across a list. It was a list of names of people that he needed to get gifts for. It also seemed to note how much money he intended to spend. While the dollar amount wasn’t on there, it had $, $$, or $$$ next to each person’s name. There were 2 names I recognized that I think are coworkers, and he had $ by their names. He had his sister and her husband’s name together with $$. He had each of their 2 kids with $$. Then, he had “Mom & Dad – $$$” and my name with $$$ and finally, his ex-wife’s name with $$$.
It’s not okay to still buy gifts for your ex, right? It is especially not okay to spend the same amount on your ex as you would on your current, right?
Am I wrong and do I need to let this go? Or, do I have a right to bring this up and tell him that he can’t give her Christmas gifts?