Her daughter wants her father to be at her party, but her son has mixed feelings about him being around. So what does she do?
My daughter is turning 8 years old and I am having a birthday party for her this weekend. I really want to make this birthday special for her because it has been a really hard year for her because her dad and I got divorced. She is really close to her dad and it was all quite a shock and unexpected for not only her, but all of us. Our kids were happy. I was happy. We assumed we were living a happy little family life. It came as a complete shock to find out that my husband was having an affair. I didn’t even discover it. I didn’t find out until he told me. Out of the blue, he came to me and admitted to having another relationship. He told me that as much as he tried, he could not turn off his feelings for this other woman and that he loved her. I was devastated. In fact, devastated doesn’t even come close to how I felt. I had all these feelings for not only me, but also for my 2 kids. I wasn’t even given a choice to fight for my marriage or my family because he had already decided that he wanted to be with someone else. So obviously, we ended up separating and soon after divorcing.
My kids were heartbroken by our divorce. My son is older and seemed to understand or could tell that this wasn’t what I had wanted. He recognized that this was his dad’s fault and their relationship has been fractured because of it. He also knows that his dad has a girlfriend and he seems angry about that too.
My 8 year old is and always has been daddy’s little girl. She adores him. I would never do anything to change that. I realize that a change in my relationship with him should not take away the relationship that she has with him. She also seems to understand that Daddy has a new friend. I don’t think she really understands the nature of that friendship or that it had anything to do with our family falling apart. She just knows this friend is “really nice” and “really pretty”. Yes, it’s like a dagger to my heart to hear this from her, but I just smile and say nothing.
Well, my daughter really wants Daddy and his friend to come to her birthday party. She keeps asking me every day if he is coming. I’ve also heard her ask him on the phone too. It seems to be really hurtful to her to hear that he isn’t. She can’t understand why they are not. It would take all the emotional strength I have to include them. I also don’t know that he would come if I told him not to bring his girlfriend. (his lack of accepting any wrongdoing is a different conversation for another time.) I am afraid of my son’s feelings about them being there. However, it isn’t his birthday. It is hers. My family will also be there and it would be the first time they will have seen him since everything happened. I am so conflicted on what I should do. Part of me feels like I have to rip the bandaid off while the other half feels like this is too soon for me, my son and my family. Do I ask them to come or do I hope my daughter’s birthday will be just as special without them?