She wants both of her parents to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. And she’s concerned about what her dad and others will think. How does she break this news to her dad without hurting his feelings?
Hey Bert Show,
I first learned of your show on Facebook a few years ago, but have been listening to your podcast pretty religiously for the last 6 months. I love your humor, vulnerability, and real-ness. Thank you for the entertainment!
Here is my dilemma:
Hearing Davi talk about having her mom walk her down the aisle at her wedding on Friday made me think you guys might be able to give me some advice. I am getting married this summer, and I want my mom and dad to both walk me down the aisle. I know it’s a little bit unorthodox, but I believe in the philosophy that your wedding is about you, your future partner, and what makes you both happy. I also don’t feel like my dad should be the only one to get that honor just because he’s my dad. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad, and we have a good relationship, but I have always been closer to my mom.
To give a little backstory, my parents have been separated since my mom found out she was pregnant with me. He left my mom basically homeless when they split up, and she couch surfed with my sisters and I for the first year or so of my life. She was a (literally) bankrupt single mom for most of my childhood. My dad paid child support and had me on weekends, but didn’t really have a strong relationship with me until I was in high school when he went through a bit of a midlife crisis. I’m in my early 20s and would say we have an awesome relationship now, but my mom has always been that emotional rock and best friend to me. Their coparenting relationship was rocky at times, but they always seem to get along pretty well together at events, so I’m not really concerned about that.
However, I am afraid my dad may be offended that I’m including my mom in this important part of my wedding and may make a lot of passive aggressive jokes. I’m not sure if or how I should tell him I’m planning to do this. If I do give him a heads up, do I tell him now in advance or the day of? I also plan to do a mother-daughter dance in addition to the typical dances because again I want to honor her. The song I picked is “Butterfly Fly Away” by Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus because I feel it really represents my childhood, but again it may offend my dad because it has lines like “you had to do it all alone, make a living make a home,” and although it’s true, my dad may take it harshly. I also don’t want everyone at the wedding to think he was totally absent in my life or anything by hearing that song, so if you know the lyrics, please let me know how you might perceive that as someone else at the wedding.
For reference, my dad and mom have both separately contributed some money to our wedding, but my fiancé and I are paying for 90% of it. Everyone will be staying together at the same location for a week for the wedding, so if my dad does get upset, I don’t want it to cause more drama. I’ve also tried to get my fiancé to have both his mom and dad walk him down the aisle too, just to make it look more intentional for us both, but he’s not very opinionated about the whole thing and honestly, I think he just wants to walk by himself.
Any help would be great.