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Our listener is concerned that he’s overstepping his husbandly boundaries. His mother-in-law has forced them into hosting Thanksgiving dinner at their home.
His wife doesn’t want to cancel even though they don’t have the energy to host 23 people. He wants to call and cancel. Should he?
Here’s his email:
Can you help me figure out if I’d be overstepping my husbandly boundaries? My wife and I had a baby over the summer and things finally seem like we are in a groove. It’s still chaos, but it’s a chaos that we’ve figured out how to manage.
Obviously, thanksgiving is next week and normally we spend the holidays with her family at her mother’s house about 2 hours away. Well, a few weeks ago, we both decided that we’d prefer to have a quiet, no stress thanksgiving at home with our baby girl. I heard my wife tell her mother that we preferred to stay home. Her mom seemed disappointed, but to our surprise, didn’t nag us or try to change our minds. Then about a week ago, we started getting texts and emails from family members RSVPing to thanksgiving at our house!
Apparently, my mother-in-law had told everyone we preferred to have the family at our house rather than travel. Now that everyone has made plans to come here, my wife feels bad telling everyone no. She is giving her mother the benefit of the doubt and assuming she misunderstood what she meant. I don’t give her that much credit, I think this is some passive aggressive way of making us regret our decision not to go to her house.
My wife doesn’t want to cancel on everyone but we really don’t have the time or energy to get our house ready or a meal ready for 23 people. Between the stress and exhaustion of a new baby and returning to work, my wife seems like she’s about to break. The last thing she needs to do is host 23 people for dinner. Can I step in and call if all off for her since she won’t? Or, is her family her territory to handle?