Jimmy Kimmel took jabs at the President, the Republicans, Mitt Romney, Chris Christie, Democrats, and the Secret Service.
The White House Correspondents Association dinner was attended by a motley crew: big name journalists, politicians, and A list celebrities, who were invited by major media outlets, such as: George Clooney, Charlize Theron, Steven Spielberg, Paul Rudd, Kim Kardashian, Kris Kardashian, Elizabeth Banks, Reese Witherspoon, Daniel Day-Lewis, Martha Stewart, Diane Keaton Rashida Jones, John Legend, Stevie Wonder, Pierce Brosnan, Kate Hudson, Goldie Hawn, Claire Danes, Josh Hutcherson, Diane Keaton, Rachel Zoe, Ivanka Trump, Mary J. Blige, Kelly Ripa, and even Uggie, the dog from The Artist.
President Obama’s Best Jokes
President Obama opened the evening by saying, “We gather during a historic anniversary. Last year at this time, in fact on this very weekend, we finally delivered justice to one of the world’s most notorious individuals.”… Instead a picture of bin Laden, a scowling photo of Donald Trump flashed over the big screen.
Republicans: ”Jimmy (Kimmel) got his start years ago on ‘The Man Show.’ In Washington, that’s what we call a Congressional hearing on contraception.”
On Romney: “It’s lovely to be here in the vast, magnificent Hilton ballroom,” Obama added, “or what Mitt Romney would call a little fixer upper.”
On the Secret Service: At the end of his speech Obama explained he had more material, but “I have to get the Secret Service home in time for their new curfew,” referring to the agency’s recent prostitution scandal.
On Hillary Clinton: ”Four years ago I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.”
A DOG JOKE: ”What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.”
On ‘The Hunger Games’: “I have not seen ‘The Hunger Games.’ Not enough class warfare.”
On Democrats: ”Uggie [the dog] is amazing. He can roll over on command. He’s a Democrat.”
On New Jersey Republican Governor and his weight: ”Gov. Christie, you may be misunderstanding the New Jersey slogan. It’s not the ‘Olive Garden State.’”
On why America is fat: ”We used to march. Now we Occupy.”
On Obama: “Mr. President, remember when the country rallied around you in hopes of a better tomorrow? That was hilarious.”
“There’s a term for President Obama. Not two terms.”
On Rick Santorum: ”It’s one thing to oppose gay marriage, but it’s another thing to do it in a sweater vest!”
On the Secret Service: ”I have a lot of Secret Service jokes. I told them for $800 I wouldn’t tell them, but they only offered $30.”