Since we can’t get enough of it, let’s read it together (team bond..ing). Enter Fifty Shades of Grey roulette: We’ve selected certain – shall we say, salacious – passages from the novel, and it’s about to get awkward. Even worse? One Bert Show member is going to have to read their passage to their mother.

Since the book progressively gets more and more lascivious, we’ll go in order of page number. First up: Bert and Wendy.

And with pages near the end of the book – Kristin, and the Jenn, with the WORST of them all:

The blessed bash will allegedly for 300 people, and invitations started landing in mailboxes this month. Sources say the couple’s guest list includes Vick mentor and former Colts and Buccaneers coach Tony Dungy, Eagles coach Andy Reid, Vick’s NFL superagent Joel Segal, Eagles running back LeSean McCoy and other teammates.

Fashion-loving Frink co-owns accessories line and boutique PNK Elephant. Heat star Chris Bosh was also married at the Fontainebleau; last July he wed Adrienne Williams in front of 300 guests including LeBron James and Dwyane Wade.

The Avengers

The previous record for hitting the $400 million mark was 18 days, held by The Dark Knight.  Worldwide, The Avengers has already cleared over a billion dollars.

Last night on ABC’s Nightline, he said, “She has one way she wanted to live her life and I had another way to live mine and I was just too insecure.” He added,  ”When you’re in a relationship, any two celebrities or whatever, you know, I think that puts on a lot of pressure.

“When Angie and I got married, during that time, I was more famous than she was to start with and then she becomes this big thing.  It’s hard in these relationships.

“We had a great marriage and I chickened out because I didn’t feel good enough.  That’s all that happened.  It was no big deal, we never hated each other.”

The couple was married from 2000 to 2003.  Billy Bob is 20 years older than her.

Billy Bob remembers people saying he didn’t deserve to be with Angelina . . . and he admits that compared to her beauty, he felt like, quote, “the Phantom of the Opera hiding in the catacombs.”

It’s obvious that Billy Bob and Angelina are still on good terms.  She even wrote the foreword to his new book, The Billy Bob Tapes:  A Cave Full of Ghosts.

And so the video for “Before He Freaks,” a parody of “Before He Cheats,” was born:

Teen Mom

Just weeks ago, Gary and Jenelle were broken up over claims that he was cheating on her and even hit her and she briefly reunited with her other troubled ex, Kieffer Delp.

The triathlete himself calls us – early – to check in from Hawaii:

Terminator 3 

Sources say Stahl was recently seen in the Skid Row area of Los Angeles and “may have gotten himself involved in some bad stuff.”

An insider tells HollyScoop.com, “The show will air in America this coming fall.”Lohan’s shopping spree at Kreiss was a big hit and the actress went home with two St. Regis sofas, two St. Regis armchairs, a pair of Venetian table lamps and two cast bronze candlestick lamps and an array of outdoor furniture.”

The trailer also teases Kourtney’s second pregnancy, Lamar Odom’s ongoing basketball issues, the family’s annual messy vacation and some fallout over Kris Jenner’s confession of infidelity.

The two are also reportedly living together in a New York condo. The story is set to be published in the National Enquirer.

One source claims, Raven is “at a point now where she doesn’t care what her family thinks, and she’s in love with AzMarie. She’s a lesbian and wants to live that way.” Livingston was booted from ANTM when she refused to wear a butt pad in a “booty touching” photo shoot.

He is the fourth man to accuse Travolta of sexual misconduct including two masseurs and a cruise employee.

And Another hotel masseur is claiming he had sexual contact John Travolta but this one welcomed his advances.  The man says he spent an afternoon having passionate sex with the actor at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Laguna Niguel, California in 1997.

The masseur now lives overseas. He said Travolta is “a great kisser.  I know because I had sex with him, and he loved it.”

He also called Travolta very experienced in bed.

Allegedly, J.Lo regrets she can’t stay on the show because it’s been an incredible experience.

Lopez joined Idol as a judge in 2010.

Forbes

J.Lo– the singer, actress and American Idol judge– earned $52 million over the last year, helping her land the number-one spot on the new 100 list. Oprah Winfrey, head of the failing OWN Network, came in at number two. Teen heartthrob and popstar Justin Bieber is at number three.

Also in the top five are popstar Rihanna and last year’s number one, Lady Gaga. The X Factor‘s newest judge Britney Spears, reality TV star Kim Kardashian, singer Katy Perry, actor Tom Cruise and filmmaker Steven Spielberg also made the 2012 top 10.

She and her boyfriend have only a .000001% chance of breaking up…but what if they do and he’s in the family photos for eternity?

Enter LC and Dex from Body Sculptors Inc. (the gym owned by Dolvett from The Biggest Loser). They’ve put together a plan that will get you to summer sexy…in sixty days. Not just focusing on image, these videos will help you examine your health and nutrition for a total summer overhaul.

Twice a week they’ll be releasing two episodes that will help you assess where you are at the beginning, give you tangible tips on nutrition (none of this generic “fats are bad” mess) and cardio (why is it so important to keep your heart rate up?), and walk you through new moves that will sculpt your back, chest, core, legs, thighs, booty – you get the picture.

Check out the first episode of Sixty Days To Summer Sexy: The Fitness Assessment

And here’s what Bert Show listeners are tweeting about it. Inapprorpiate? Possibly. But true.

Episode 6

Episode 5

Episode 4

Episode 3

Episode 2

Episode 1 – Fitness Assessment

About The Trainers:

“LC” Cornelius is a highly qualified trainer with over 8 years of experience helping individuals from different backgrounds achieve their health and fitness goals. He is often called upon for his expertise in weight loss management, general fitness, functional strength training, corrective exercise, sports performance training, nutrition and body sculpting.

LC holds a Bachelors degree in Kinesiology from the University of Central Oklahoma in 2007 and is certified by the most highly accredited organizations in the fitness industry including the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM), International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA), American Red Cross (CPR/AED).

LC has dedicated his career to developing advanced training methods and nutritional programs designed to correct muscular imbalances, rehabilitate injuries and fuel your metabolism. His programs vastly improve strength, power, core stability, balance, endurance, mental function and flexibility. His personalized programs focus on total wellness and improve physical appearance, overall health and quality of life.

LC has been successful in track and field, boxing, basketball, football and MMA. He applies the knowledge and expertise gained through education and personal experience to provide the highest quality training and help his clients achieve their goals.

Dexter Hampton is a Savannah State University graduate with a Bachelors in Accounting. As a certified personal trainer (and Bert’s trainer), he works at Body Sculpt Studio and was elected by Jezebel Magazine as the “Best Personal Trainer In Atlanta.”

Kristin Klingshirn and I are excited to share our newest partnership with you. We are teaming up with Rally Foundation for Childhood Cancer Research (Rally) to be a part of their Rally Athlete 13.1 Atlanta Half Marathon Training Team. Through the Rally Athlete Program, we will participate in a 16-week training and fundraising plan, with the race happening on October 7. We are excited for this new endeavor and would love for you to join us on The Bert Show Rally Team. We need at least 10 runners to form the team, and we would be thrilled to have more people join us as we run for kids with cancer!

We will be having an information session on Wednesday, May 23 at 6pm, where we will meet our Rally Athlete Coordinator and our running coach, Kate, as well as hear from a Rally Kid, a child who has fought or is currently fighting childhood cancer. The information session will be held at the Rally Foundation Office located at 5775 Glenridge Dr. Building B, Suite 370, Sandy Springs GA 30328. Please feel free to contact Daniele Hurwitz at Rally for any questions: daniele@rallyfoundation.com .

Rally On! 

Daniele Hurwitz

Rally Athlete Marketing Coordinator

She was on a homemade zip line during a kayaking trip when the line broke and cut her left calf. She originally got 22 staples to stitch it up, but the following day she had severe pain – and was sent home with painkillers, and again the next day with antibiotics.

Later, she was diagnosed with a severe and rare strep infection - necrotizing fasciitis – that gets into wounds and destroys the tissue around it. It has already taken her left leg (it was amputated at the hip) and part of her abdomen.

How you can avoid it: Frequent hand washing and avoiding people with sore throats can help lower the risk of flesh-eating disease. All cuts, no matter how small, should be cleaned and covered with bandages.

Stay updated with Aimee’s progress and leave messages on the Facebook page & help spread awareness.

How you can help: 

1) Donate blood

UWG Psych Department organized Blood Drive at UWG campus : May 15th 2012 from 2-7pm.

• Donate blood in Augusta at the Shepeard Community Blood Center, 1533 Wrightsboro Road, Augusta, GA 30904  (706) 737-4551.  Any blood type, as Aimee will get credited regardless as to the type you donate.

• Donate blood anywhere -give blood to help all of those in need.  Giving blood is giving life.

2) Donate money:

 Instead of flowers and gifts, Aimee’s father is requesting financial support through PayPal or, send a check to:  ”Aimee’s Fund,” Acct # 2050141288, c/o United Community Bank, 119 Maple Street, Carrollton, GA 30117, (770) 838-9608. This money will be used for hospital and/or rehabilitation expenses.

3) Raise awareness

Homemade zip lines are dangerous.  Leave zip line construction to professionals.

Frequent hand washing and avoiding people with sore throats can help lower the risk of flesh-eating disease. All cuts, no matter how small, should be cleaned and covered with bandages.