Producer Davi has been doing a challenge where she’s been wearing no makeup for 30 days, and as soon as she went on air and said nice things about herself, and how supportive everyone has been on social media, some TROLL went on her Instagram and left nasty comments…even before the break had ended!
Davi did some sleuthing, found out who he was (despite HIS Instagram account being set to private), and trolled him back. Here’s the thing though, after all that…she still felt defeated, but for a different reason – one that might surprise you.
So, she wrote him this open letter, and it’s SO powerful. Everyone needs to either listen to it, or read it. Moms, dads, single people, people in relationships. Daughters, sons, grandfathers, grandmothers. Nice people, mean people, apathetic people. If you’re breathing, this is for you.
And it’s important.
I trolled my troll – and learned a very valuable lesson.
An Open Letter to the trolls of the world,
Does anybody remember last summer when the ladies of The Bert Show did the list of 10 things we love about our body? Does anybody remember the emails I received? From dudes that just wanted to let me know that I shouldn’t love these things about my body. They wanted to let me know that I should change and/or improve myself with breast implants, nose job,etc.
Recently on the show we were doing a break on the #NoMakeup challenge. I have personally been participating in this and was about 3 weeks in. I’ve taken a No Filter selfie every day and posted online to hold myself accountable. I explained that I was feeling pretty good, despite some critiques here and there at work. This break, on Day 24 No Makeup, was almost entirely about the grief I’ve got from men in the vicinity that want me to improve myself – tan more or dress differently. My take-away from this break was:
Brian says, “Women tend to over-think things.” Nobody notices the lack of makeup.
Bert says, “It was just a couple dude opinions. Ignore it.” Sweep it under the rug.
In this break, I made the mistake of pointing out everyone on Social had been “kind” and “supportive”. I said I was feeling more confident. I said I felt BEAUTIFUL with no makeup on. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket halfway through our segment. There he was, NMaster1123. His comments came in before the segment had even ended. Remember, timing is everything.
He said: “forget the makeup. Work on that voice. You sound like you were dropped on your head a lot as a kid.”
I didn’t cry. I decided to play along. To UNDERSTAND the troll – one must BE the troll.
However, he dishes out insults with his account set to private. Making it impossible for me to give him the same courtesy he has bestowed on me! I wanted to go to his big life moments and comment “Crest White Stripes, you can thank me later.” I couldn’t do that, which is totally unfair. But I know guys like him HATE being called lady-parts so I went for it. I called him a name for female genitalia. Then I said no thanks for the unsolicited advice on my voice – I talk on the radio and do voiceovers and get paid for this work. So I’m doing just fine.
He said: “LMAO. You don’t make as much as me. Keep dreaming.”
I didn’t cry. I was just confused. I never said I made more money than him. Calm down. Income was never in question, looney. I was saying I don’t need feedback from a non-professional. But CLEARLY his ego is in charge of the keyboard right now. Okay. Alright. Let’s do this! I see your psycho babble and I raise you one redundant, immature reply. I called him female genitalia again.
Now, THAT opened a floodgate. So over the course of the rest of the day, this happened:
– He went through my photos calling me ugly and stupid. I didn’t cry.
– He called my new car a “Mini Pooper”. I didn’t cry. (And I’M the one that got dropped on my head as a kid??? Oooookay.)
– He said the only reason I am on this show is because I do sexual things with everyone here. I didn’t cry.
– He got aggressively sexual in his language and it got weird really fast. I didn’t cry though.
I was busy WORKING so I wasn’t able to troll to the best of my abilities. But some Bert Show Listeners spoke up on my behalf. When I had a free minute, I’d call him female genitalia again. Eventually, he threw in the towel for the evening.
He said: “Your dumbass can’t read. I hope Trump gets elected and deports your ugly ass @preciousdavi ”
I still didn’t cry. In November, is Trump going to deport me back to Florida where I was born? I hear it’s lovely that time of year! I didn’t realize his wall was for Hispanics, Muslims, AND ugly women of the world. Trumps list just keeps growing!
This was where I realized I want to know more about this person. I mean, someone else can explain how deportation works to him – I’m strongly calling “NOT IT” on that. I just want to see what he looks like. Perhaps somewhere in those idiot eyes I’ll be able to see where all that hate comes from. So I put the skills to work that Social Media Director, Cassie, has given me over the years.
– I found him on Twitter. He has no pictures and only five tweets. Every tweet dripping in misogyny. In the realm of “Hillary can’t be president because women aren’t as smart as men.” Nope, I still didn’t cry.
– I found his Facebook page and his dummy face. His presence has a totally different tone in Facebook land. In this magical land, he is a functioning and seemingly friendly, single adult. I was perplexed but I didn’t cry.
-I saw that he works at a pizza place. So he’s either a Pizza Boy or some kind of Pizza Man. Not sure of the age. But I didn’t cry.
-Then I saw he had a kid. A young boy. Maybe 10 years old. I didn’t cry.
– Then I saw his son’s Facebook profile picture…. he’s smirking with a big group of adolescent girls with the caption “Me and my BITCHES”.
And that’s when I cried.
That’s when he finally got me. As long as there are jerks like him in the universe breeding then more little boys are going to grow up being jerks. Just like dad. It doesn’t matter where Dad’s hate stems from, all that matters is this aimless anger being passed on. Intolerance, racism, sexism, bigotry, and in a nutshell blind ignorance is taught. And that’s when I gave up. I didn’t want to know anything else about him. I felt sick to my stomach. I was done. I had trolled my troll and I was done.
I found myself wondering if they go father/son fishing together. Or if, instead, they share interest in the hip new hobby of anonymously spewing vitriol toward women online for hours. Is that bonding time? Imagine if the intro for Andy Griffith Show was a father and son whistling at the keyboard while they damage the self-esteem of a woman, 3 states over.
But maybe I’m over thinking it…
Or maybe NMaster is a solo act? Was he lonely when he tuned in to our segment that morning? Maybe kid was with his mom for the week, NMaster got bored and bitter at the time spent with his ex, and desperately needed to call a strange woman an ugly dumbass.
But maybe I’m over thinking it…
Some might consider this reaching, but if you already struggle with respecting women as equals, then you’re only a hop away from treating anyone and everyone like they’re subhuman. And Sociopaths tend to have a very low boiling point. Remember Elliott Rodgers from the California sorority shooting? He hated women too. He shared the hobby of trolling women online. He felt entitled to controlling women because they were lesser than. When he couldn’t control them he wanted to punish them. Am I comparing my internet troll to a gunman, you ask? Maybe. The quick-fire aggression is concerning. The overly sexual language and perverted thoughts he made public on my Instagram are worrisome. He seems delusional and isolated. Isolation breeds hate. And sometimes lonely hateful people buy weapons.
But maybe I’m over thinking it…
I am certain there were little glimpses of crazy throughout the life of each shooter we hear about. Glimpses that are never reported. These tiny moments of terrifying clarity are then ignored by a friend or family member. It’s just one guy talking nonsense. Ignore it. Sweep it under the rug. Then that one guy gets angrier and more isolated. Those glimpses of crazy start working overtime. A couple years go by and there he is, on the news responsible for a tragedy.
But maybe I’m over thinking it, right?
I was on the radio talking about my confidence being boosted and he felt strongly compelled to let me know I should never feel pretty or smart. He said my success is due to the sexual favors I’m giving out at the office, left and right (literally). I’m not here because I work hard. I’m not here because I’m talented or funny, nothing like that. My mouth shouldn’t be used to have a voice – my mouth is here for one reason. Really? I don’t remember getting in this time machine to 1950. But damn, gotta love that Casting Couch mentality still popping up in 2016, for radio broadcasting, no less! In my little social media world where I leave picture glimpses of my spectacular life – he targeted all my proudest moments with hate to try to crack me. But that didn’t work. I didn’t cry because of what was said about my life or my face. No, I didn’t cry until I knew more about HIS life.
This is an open letter to the NMasters of the world:
What is broken within you that makes you feel this way toward women? Why do you think we’re here to decorate the earth for you? Why do you feel inclined to swerve right out of your proper lane and weigh in on women’s looks, voice, and intelligence? Quickly! Speak up with that man voice so these women around you can IMPROVE to better fit your personal agenda. “Ladies, be pretty and tan. When us fellas say offensive things you should giggle, other than that – BE SILENT. That’s the most important part to keeping us comfortable. You’re here to make our atmosphere more pleasant.”
But the thing is, fellas… I don’t care about your comfort or your opinions.
And 100% F*CK your atmosphere.
Yeah, you have the ability to make us cry. I cried because you’ll always be feeding that hateful rhetoric into the world and teaching young boys that this is the way to act toward women. I cried for women everywhere. I cried for our daughters and our daughter’s daughters. I cried because this is never going to stop. I cried because people like you are breeding like rabbits. While people like me don’t want children for fear they’ll have to be around the tiny bullies you’re raising.
I hope you learned something from this. I sure did.
– I learned that people like you are like a bug-bite. Don’t scratch it or it will get WAY more annoying.
– I learned that you troll because you’re unhappy with your life. You’re sad and lonely. I want to feel sorry for you. But you compensate for your sadness by being overly aggressive.
– I learned that getting to know someone like you would only offer terrifying perspective.
The most important lesson I learned, however, is that the future is not necessarily bleak. I learned that the folks on the correct side of history are outnumbering the NMasters of the world. We have a woman running for president. We have 4 female Ghostbusters inspiring little girls to be smart and strong, not pretty and thin. We have amazing women encouraging us daily, like:
Malala Yousafzai – a human rights activist and youngest Nobel Prize winner from Pakistan. In 2012, a Taliban gunman boarded her school bus and shot her in the face for advocating for women’s rights to education. Thankfully, she’s still here using her voice to invoke change!
Serena Williams – one of the greatest athletes of our time. Notice I didn’t say “female athlete”. Just. Athlete.
Chrissy Chambers – who is slowly making strides to put an end to revenge porn and online harassment by making it qualify as criminal action.
And women like Beyonce for singing, “Ladies, get in formation.” Join. Meet. Empower. Change the world together. It’s going to be okay.
We’re outnumbering you, pizza-boy. I know you’re scared. So stop acting foolish because us ladies don’t have time for your hateful nonsense. We’re too busy saving the world while simultaneously bleeding for 7 days straight LIKE A BOSS. So get to the back of the line and stay out of my way until you’re ready to contribute positively to society OR unless I have ordered a pepperoni pizza, of course.
And PS: I apologize for calling you a Vagina. That’s not an insult at all, now is it? Like Betty White said, “They are tough – they can take a pounding. We should tell people to ‘grow a vagina.” So I take it back, NMaster. You are not a vagina. You’re more like balls – nobody likes to look at you and you’re just hanging out with no real purpose.
— Stephanie (@ihveanaddiction) July 21, 2016
— Tina Pratt Dedo (@Tina_Pratt) July 21, 2016
— Erika Taylor (@WondrousGrace3) July 21, 2016
— Kayla Boyum ❌ (@kdboyum) July 21, 2016
— Angela Cato (@AngelaCato) July 21, 2016
— Ashley DePriest (@LifeWithoutDiet) July 21, 2016
— rose mery cox (@rosemerycox) July 21, 2016