This is the hottest time of year to sign up for online dating, so Cassie’s got some tips that’ll stop you from being undateable. These are AUTOMATIC turn-offs, so listen up if you want a fighting chance:
LET’S TALK PHOTOS
1. If your face is poorly photoshopped GOOD BYE. We see your fake weirdly smooth Play Boy looking skin.
2. NO GYM SELFIES. NONE. NO. STOP. NOPE. That’s cool that you’re all #HealthIsWealth but IDGAF. Gym selfie tell girls you’re basically Gaston from Beauty and the Beast and no Belle wants on that. Ps. outdoor sports / hiking / canoeing selfies are not the same. That’s an activity. Not an ego trip.
3. If there’s a baby in your photo you’re gonna need to specify if it belongs to you or not. If you’re a parent, totally cool – but some people might not be looking for that just yet, and you could be driving them away just because you have a pic of you and your cute little niece up.
LET’S TALK BIOS
4. I know you think your “I’m Batman” bio line is cute. You’re Batman by night. You’re filling in for Batman. You’re THE Batman. And you know what, it was. The first time it popped up on someone’s bio. After the fifth time, I can tell you that you guys need to sit down and discuss because there’s only one Batman and none of you are it. At least switch it up with a Spiderman.
5. You’re gonna need to put something more than “I like beer.” What other things do you like? What are you looking for? What are your life goals? (To be honest though, outting that you have a job in there would probs help.)
6. Seriously though…why are you putting your height in there?
LET’S TALK COMMUNICATION
7. Grammar: I promise I’m not being a grammar nazi, but you will have WAY more success if it looks like the girl you’re after is having conversation with a full fledged adult rather than a drunk 4th grader.
8. If in ANY of your messages you refer to her as your wife, automatic disqualification. This includes but is not limited to:
“Future wife. I’d make you my wife. I’d put a rock on it.” NO NO NO. I can see the end before it begins.
9. Your unsolicited d**k pic better be of like Pete Wentz or some other celebrity or else it’s gonna be sent to your mom.
10. Don’t copy paste opening lines. It’s so obvious. Especially when you leave the wrong name in there.
BONUS REAL WORLD RULE
You cannot hit on a girl if you have ever hit on a family member of hers. It’s gross. And weird. I’ll allow second cousins…as long as they’re not close.